To get to the root of this issue, we first need to define what makes someone “difficult”
- They lack empathy (finding joy in other peoples’ pain)
- They are highly critical of others except themselves (hypocrites)
- They communicate poorly (with insults and the like)
- You don’t feel comfortable around them (they don’t have your best interests at heart)
- They are very jealous
These are just some of the traits you might find in difficult people, there are much more. Difficult people are everywhere, in our homes, at work and even in our friend groups (hopefully not).
I wanted to share some tips you can use to deal with these difficult people. Tips that help maintain your calm and peace around difficult people without having to stoop to their level of toxicity.
Practice Self-Care
I know it’s an odd place to start, but think about it. If you’ve done the work, looked within yourself to know what your strengths and weaknesses are. There is very little that anyone can do to rock your boat.
By practising self-care through meditation or daily reflections we reach our centre/place of calm. We bring joy from within ourselves a accept just how magnificent we are without needing anyone else’s approval. Once we have reached this level of self-acceptance we begin realizing what we want in our lives, the people we wish to keep and those we wish to remove.
Enter: Difficult people.
Through self-care, you can avoid becoming intimate with difficult people entirely. You see the signs early on, and you don’t tolerate bullies or people that cross your boundaries.
Think of self-care as a protection blanket. You won’t accept anyone who treats you poorly in your life because your protection blanket always reminds you that deserve more than that <3
Remain Calm
When someone steps on your toes, do you know what shouting at them serves? Absolutely nothing. I get it, someone hurts or offends you and you want some of that sweet revenge, but there’s a better way of doing it. A way that makes it clear you don’t like what the person did without removing your peace.
Take a breath, and call them by name until you have their attention. Ask them if they know they crossed a line. If they say “no” calmly tell them you don’t like it. The reason it’s important to stay calm is because not everyone who hurts us means to do so; sometimes it’s a genuine mistake.
However, if the person tells you they knew it would hurt you. Still, remain calm and leave the conversation. Now I hear people saying “Leave them? And let them get away with it?”. Yes, kinda. Think of it this way — what’s more important to your life: Your Peace or Revenge.
If someone hurts you because they wanted to, you already have your answer regarding them. They are a person to avoid and never talk to again. If you look for revenge, you risk sinking deeper into their games and there are no winners in that situation. Leave them alone in their personal hell.
Build a buffer
If you find yourself in a situation where you can’t escape difficult people (because they’re a family member for example) build a buffer. This means limiting the amount of time you spend with them. If you have to meet them, do it with other people you trust or limit it to video calls.
Sometimes people can’t be reasoned with. But it doesn’t make it our job to fix them. We have our lives to live after-all.
Last Resort: Leave
If you’ve tried to reason with a difficult person and they still stay the same. The solution is simple, ladies. Leave.
It can be painful to leave a friendship/relationship that was beginning to form, but it’s beneficial in the long run. We shouldn’t surround ourselves with people who suck all of our energy.
You are a gem in this world, surround yourself with people who treat you with respect and care for you. People who make you smile when you think of them.
There will always be difficult people in the world; they’re not really rare.
But good people? Now those are hard to find — keep them close whenever you find them.
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