As we continue to grow, so do our values and how we begin to see the world. We start to take on new habits, new hobbies and sometimes new projects. We push ourselves to improve and gain skills that we may not have. This has a lot to do with adapting and chasing our dreams as our environment continues to change.
Make no mistake, the world is always changing. We don’t have to change with it, not entirely, but we do need to notice these things so that we’re not caught off-guard.
As we embrace change (this includes healthy change) we are left to decide what survives the journey to our self-discovery. Maybe we start to pay attention to time a little more than we did in college; even deciding to keep a journal for self-reflection — you know the stuff. As a result, some things we used to enjoy we don’t enjoy as much and this leads to us losing people we thought were our friends.
This is a rather big issue between the ladies. We all grow differently and sometimes our choices lead us to different places.
I was thinking to share some advice on how you can save your friendships (the good ones anyway). Because we know there are bad friends out there.
By following the few steps I’m going to share today, you can check whether the friendship you’re fighting for is worth it or not. The last thing any of us need to do is fight losing battles when our time is better spent elsewhere.
Try To Add New Traditions
Traditions are part of what makes friendships with the girls amazing. But as I said before, we evolve, we grow. Some traditions we used to enjoy may not work well in the present for a variety of reasons. Maybe one of your friends now has a child to take care of or they now live far away. Because of this, it may be time to form new traditions.
Sometimes our friendships aren’t fading; new challenges and responsibilities get in the way.
Don’t Rely On Social Media
I get it, we don’t always have a choice when it comes to social media, especially when we’re far apart from our friends. This point applies to people who live near one another.
Social media can make everything very convenient. We can leave a like and a comment when someone posts a picture and we can share a few emails. However, if we feel our friendship fading it’s worth going the extra mile to meet our friends in person. Sometimes all it takes is seeing each other face to face to re-ignite a friendship that seemed lost.
For friends that are far apart, it’s a good idea to plan a future meeting, especially during a time when it’s convenient for everyone involved.
Make Time For Them
No resource on this planet’s more valuable than time. If it’s a friendship worth fighting for it’s a good idea to make time for it. Remember, it’s not only about making time for them; they need to also be making time for you.
A good friendship is where both sides (or more) put in the work. If your friend always makes time for you, but you’re always busy, it may be time to clear up your schedule and check in on them.
Sometimes friendships fade not because people don’t want us around anymore, but because they feel we don’t need them in our lives. Which isn’t true.
For friendships we value, we always make time, no matter how small. And good friends appreciate our sacrifices, they understand that we’re not always free; and that when we are, we want nothing more than to have them around.
Talk About It With Love And Honesty
They are your friend(s) for a reason, right? If you can’t trust them to handle a conversation about how you feel then it’s time to consider if there was ever a friendship, to begin with.
Friendship is about trust, if you feel like your friend is drifting you should ask them about it; with love and honesty, not accusations.
So for example, you might say. “I feel like we don’t talk as much as we used to anymore, is everything okay, I’ve been worried?”
Instead of saying. “You don’t do the same things you used to. Do you even still want to be my friend? If not, just say so”
The first statement is not blaming anyone. It’s coming from a place of care and consideration. Perhaps your friend was too ashamed to bring up an issue they’ve been dealing with, or maybe they have been extremely busy but didn’t want to bother you with the details. There are many reasons people change their behaviour over time, and not all of those reasons are meant to harm us in any way.
The second statement is a no-go. Blaming people for things before we even understand what’s going on is an easy way to lose friends; don’t do this.
Be willing to Adapt
Depending on the answers you receive, as good friends, you shouldn’t be discouraged. If your friend stays far away, find a way to video call.
If your friend is finding interest in other activities outside yours, maybe it’s time to find out what all the fuss is about. If your friend has new responsibilities that take away their free time, see if you can help (but only help if you want to, to avoid growing resentment). If they’re no longer enjoying old traditions, it may be time to modify them.
Don’t forget yourself in this entire equation. If you love your friends, and they love you too, everything will work out because everyone wants it to work. But if only you or your friend are putting in all the work things are bound to fall apart.
Know your worth and cherish those that cherish you. If you and your friend truly care for each other, there is no reason to worry that everything won’t work out.